The Barefoot Armrest Bandit

Field guide / The Barefoot Armrest Bandit

PLATE 03

Pedis liberatus

Habitat: Your armrest, approached from the row behind.
Marks: One sockless foot arriving in the gap by the window.
Call: None. That is what makes it so effective.

Shoes come off at cruising altitude and are never seen again. Naturalists disagree on whether this is comfort or a territorial claim. The armrest has declined to comment.

Thriving, regrettably

Sightings (6)

Now boarding: the smell

Filed under Barefoot Armrest Bandit · Somewhere over your armrest

The witness reports the whole row could smell them. The Bandit reports being very comfortable, thanks for asking.

Sir, this is not a footrest

Filed under Barefoot Armrest Bandit · Window seat, your side

It is a wall. He has made it a footrest. That is what the airline means by a growth mindset. Airline reported, not confirmed; the wall declined to comment.

Ew.

Filed under Barefoot Armrest Bandit · Between the seats

Two words would be too many. The feet came through the gap like they pay rent there.

Paid for extra legroom. Used every inch.

Filed under Barefoot Armrest Bandit · Row 3, inbound to Denver

Socks off. Tray table latch opened with a toe. Both feet up where the next passenger eats. Scientists call that tool use. Everyone else calls a flight attendant.

Shoes on. On the tray table.

Filed under Barefoot Armrest Bandit · Tray table, down and occupied

Credit where due: the shoes are on. They are on the tray table. The Bandit heard your complaints about bare feet and found a loophole.

Hat on. Shoes off.

Filed under Barefoot Armrest Bandit · Near the exit row

Bare feet on the middle seat. No eye contact. Dares you to ask. The hat stays on. The shoes do not.